How Do I Consciously Decide to Live? (cw)

 

Today it is hard for me to hold on to the truths in the following words.  A dear woman I’ve known for years has died suddenly. At my age this happens! It takes my breath away. I am feeling very vulnerable, very fragile.

Earlier today, also, I had a long phone visit with another dear friend as we shared our concern and grief over a friend of more than forty-five years who is stuck in anger, grief and denial so much so their aging is lonely and painful, in part, at least, for their lack of being able to accept, to let go!

I am filled with grief ~ so I write.  

We watch small children as they learn how to turn over, to crawl, to walk and rejoice in their expanding word of possibilities, of learning, of new experiences.

As we age, moving to that time of the next great transition we call dying, the reverse begins to assert itself, abilities begin to be lost, life opportunities and functions begin to constrict and as loved ones and companions die we ~ I ~ must look, again, at my choices.

How do I continue to find my life’s purpose and love and joy, during this time? How do I consciously decide to live?

If there is one life teaching I wish we would all learn at a young age it is life throws all kinds of challenges at us. Instead of fearing them I wish I’d learned when younger that how we meet them and how we deal (or learn to deal) with them is our greatest opportunity for learning, that “happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling.”[1] .

It causes me grief when I hear someone saying (and I hear it far too often) that they are too old to change or they’re too old to learn. I hope~ I want ~ to always look on life as an exciting school ~ even when filled with difficulty or pain. Hopefully, we will be wise enough to be open to all the “becoming” life holds for us ~ in this life and beyond. I learned (and today, trying to keep reminding myself) that it’s never too late to start ~ to start again. God’s grace continues to open doors.

May I always have the eyes to see all the opportunities which come to me.

No matter what our age, we need to have a dream ~ or dreams! We must have passion! We also need to have “back up” dreams upon which to focus. The younger we are when we learn this, the better our life.  I didn’t learn to dream, nor did I have a dream which called forth the energy of my passion until I was in my middle years.  I pray that the new generation ~ and those yet to be yet born will ~ grow up with dreams and confidence enough in themselves to pursue those dreams, that they will be willing to look for and try new endeavors which can help them expand their awareness and life horizons. I hope they will know ~ or learn ~ that failure is just part of the process of life and that we often learn our best lessons from those times we fail.

Learning this when younger help us live creatively no matter where we are in life.

I want everyone to know to what heights all human beings are capable! We don’t have to be a genius to tap into the wonderful universe which guides and holds us ~ which will help us achieve all the dreams we are capable of giving our energy and passion to. I love a prayer in the New Zealand’s Night Prayer Service[2] which says: “Our help is in the name of the eternal God, who is making [3]the heavens and the earth.”  

May we always consciously choose to be co-creators with the eternally new-making Creator.

Writing these words is how I made a ceremony for today.

Shelah!

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[1] Margaret Lee Rurback

[2] Anglican

[3] Emphasis mine