On Defensiveness ... It Seems to Me .... (vw)

200723 Thursday 

Response to Carol’s Question per phone text 200722

 Carol sent me a stimulating email this week that I am reflecting on and will try to comment.

“… a conversation – how both of us wanting good relations/communication, both reacted defensively to what the other meant as comment. What does it say about how people in a less committed relationship respond at any time – Whether written OR verbal?” (Carol Winters)

 

 ... “how both of us wanting good relations/communication, both reacted defensively to what the other meant as comment”

It seems to me on considering defensiveness in ourselves – well, we’re just human. The whole species was designed this way, whether by “god” or by evolution of the species, or both. The whole history of mankind on this planet is penetrated by defensiveness; defense of our families, our culture, our spiritual beliefs, our actions, and, yes, even our race. Somehow our very differences, instead of generating interest and enjoyment, seem to engender divisiveness. Is the cause narrow-mindedness, or greed, egotism, prejudice …? {Note that the subject here is limited, only, to defensiveness; the others mentioned are actually subjects in themselves.} But what seems to be the main catalyst that promulgates this trait? Each of us definitely has a very personal and strong answer to the question.

 “What does it say about how people in a less committed relationship respond at any time”

 Well … we humans have responded to our differences with a variety of defensive negative ways, e.g. argument, fighting, wars, hatred, prejudice, racism, passive-aggressive reaction and demeaning disregard. Now days so called “think tanks” are no different, having produced very little in the way of promoting cohesion and compassion, (unity)? I don’t think anyone has a viable answer for a way out of this existing divisiveness except to do what Carol and I are struggling to accomplish: i.e., to value the Other as Companion in this Earthwalk, “all … created equal … and endowed …” with a marvelous diversity that should be respected. This perspective appreciates mankind as one family and individual perspective as having great value and, generally, contributing to the collective wisdom. I think Carol and I are on the right track in our small way but the goal of complete unity and understanding can never be achieved; we can only strive to enjoy diversity in the stimulation of respectful conversation, the excitement and knowledge found in the process, the inevitable increase of companionship and respect, and the resulting personal freedom of acceptance and peace. What else is that but love?

 “Whether written OR verbal?”

I think both are so necessary! Written communication is wonderfully necessary for exploration of depth, rationalization, information, etc. It is so open to depth of thought! Verbal communication offers amazing facilitation for expressions of love, respect, compassion, teaching, etc. Texting? … is modern society’s way of quick communication of status quo. All are valuable. We just need to discern when each is indicated so as not to provoke that very human emotion of defensiveness.